


Alphabet of Angst: Connara Edition

by Nic_H



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, F/M, ITS ALL ANGST, Writing practice
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-08
Updated: 2019-01-29
Packaged: 2019-09-14 04:47:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 5,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16906383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nic_H/pseuds/Nic_H
Summary: An A-Z prompt fic, with all of it being angst. They're all really short, 150+ words. Just something to help me improve my writing skills in an area I feel I struggle.





	1. Afterthought

Afterthought

…

Connor had always admired her from afar; never getting close enough to talk. Longing glances from across the hallway. Subtly sitting nearby in the cafeteria. Little things that allowed him within her sphere of influence, but far enough away to slip below her notice. The truth was that it would never work and the truth cut deep.

He was the loner. The outcast. The weirdo. No one wanted to associate with him, let alone be friendly. Kara, on the other hand, was the social butterfly. Kind to everyone, and easy to get along with. A gentle soul, too pure for this world. No matter what he would immerse himself in, she was always in his thoughts; never far from the forefront of his mind.

But Connor knew that she would only strike a conversation with him out of politeness. It was who she was: too kind to turn away anyone harshly. Though her intentions were good, it made Connor angry. Not only at her, but himself for thinking she would want to be friends with him. Because to her, he was nothing but an afterthought.

END


	2. Best Friends

Best friend

…

Since they were six years young, Kara and Connor had been the best of friends. They were always there for each other when life would kick you in the dirt, and always there for each other when days were on the brighter side of life. In simpler terms, they were each other’s everything.

So it came as no surprise that Kara played an important role in Connor’s wedding. She had helped plan the perfect day, a day that would forever hold fond memories. For Connor at the least.

Though Kara would be walking down the aisle, it would not be as the bride. Because Kara never took that chance, too scared to risk tearing apart the single greatest thing she had in her life. Too scared to ruin the friendship she had with the man of her dreams. And now it was too late.

There were no second chances at life. Opportunities rise and doors beg to be open, but only so much before they were locked shut forever. Now, the one door she wished remained would forever be out of reach. Kara would bear witness to her best friend’s wedding, not as bride but maid of honour. She would bear witness as her best friend vowed to love, till death do them part, another woman.

END

 


	3. Cost

Cost

…

What was the cost of happiness? Not the fleeting joy that came and went like the ocean’s tide. But true, long lasting happiness? What was it worth?

Connor had never known true happiness till he met her. Never known what it was to be loved till she loved him. And with her, came the second person in this life who truly loved him. The little bundle of joy, equal parts him and equal parts her.

But life was not so giving. As easy as life gives, it can take just as quickly. It seemed life had dictated a limit. A limit to those who could love him and still be living. He already had far more than he deserved, but what _right_ did fate have to deny him more?

For a small frame of time Connor had increased his small family of two. _Alice they had agreed on_. But as quickly as he had gained, loss reared its head and took his three and made it two.

He had thought himself absolved of his sins. Though the guilt remained, it had settled to a noiseless buzz in the back of his mind. Now however, the noiseless buzz was a deafening pulse. He was stupid to ever think the wrongs he had done would be forgotten. Stupid to think he could have something as simple as a _family_. Stupid to think he would have a happily ever after.

This was the cost of his sins.

END


	4. Decay

Decay

…

The RK800 model was the pinnacle of android technology. It had abilities and skills that far surpassed any android currently in operation, and could compute at speeds that no other android could compare too. It was no surprise that he’s operational run time, his life, numbered in the centuries.

The AX400 model, at one point, was the pinnacle of android technology. Now, it was out-dated; obsolete. Connor knew this but still, he paid it no mind. It did not matter what she was. Kara was Kara and he could not ask for a more beautiful soul. He would cherish her and the family they would build till the end of time.

But time and tide wait for no man (or machine). It erodes and destroys even the most indomitable of objects. The sands of time chipped away at everything, be they living or lifeless. This was the inevitable truth Connor had reluctantly come to terms with. He was the mountain range, standing steadfast for ages still to come. But the AX400 model was not so resilient.

The countless resets and years of abuse had caught up, and now loomed the consequence of such a life. Connor could do nothing but watch as the cruel nature of Father Time took hold of his soulmate. Connor could do nothing but watch as Kara decayed further and further away from the woman he fell in love with.

END.


	5. Empty

Empty

…

Run.

That’s all Kara and Alice had been doing for the past two days.

Running.

With old memories brought fourth, Kara had been comforting Alice throughout the nights as they squeezed what little respite they could before taking off again.

Ran.

They couldn’t keep up. They had tried and tried to no avail. Both their models were not built to withstand the constant activity. Alice had gone in to a forced standby and Kara barely had the strength to carry her. But carry her she did, because there was _nothing_ that would separate them. Not even _him_.

She had loved him, once. Not so long ago. And without a doubt in her mind, he had loved her; loved both of them.

The crunching of gravel, once faint, was now an omen for what was to come. With no energy left Kara fell to her knees, Alice falling from her arms and hitting the ground with a thud. Even that did not wake her.

They were exhausted.

Well-worn boots entered her vision and all Kara could think was _I bought those for him_. Raising her head, Kara looked in to Connor’s eyes and had to fight tears. Not for what she could see, but what she couldn’t. His eyes, lifeless. An emotional void. Brown irises that held such warmth for _her (_ for _them_ ) were now glassed over.

With broken sobs she screamed.

  _Why_.

But Kara did not hear a response. She did not hear anything at all, feeling only the cold metallic sting of betrayal.

She could not hear the voiceless screams from his rose laden prison. The silent cries to give back _control_. Connor could do nothing but watch with front row seats as his worst nightmares became reality. All the good he had tried to do, all his attempts at redemption. It would all crumble away, the cracks in his castle of glass growing till it shattered around him.

His eyes were empty.

The gun was not.

END.


	6. False Hope

False Hope

…

“It’s over. We’re done.”

Though nothing pierced the veil of silence after her words, the sound of cracking glass echoed in Connors ears. He could feel his eyes water but refused to let the tears fall. He wouldn’t give her the satisfaction.

“Wh-what do you mean? Kara where is this coming from? I thought everything was good!”

Desperately Connor searched for answers in her body language, but her face was stone cold and her eyes betrayed nothing. Connor was good at reading people. He prided himself on it. So how did this all slip right past him?

Without responding to him, Kara turned around and started walking back to her car. She had just opened the door when it happened.

Connor broke.

“So what? It all meant nothing? The last year was just a game?”

Even in his rage, Connor could not keep the grief and pain out of his voice.

Kara snorted, and finally responded.

“I don’t know much about your past, Connor, and I don’t really care to. But how touch starved must you be to get attached to the first person to show you any form of _affection_. You’re pathetic.”

Without a final glance Kara hopped in her car and drove off, leaving Connor to stand alone with his thoughts.

And then it clicked.

The missed phone calls. The left on reads. The distracted conversations.

The red flags that he saw in the beginning, warning him of the impending heartbreak. The red flags that he chose to ignore because for the first time, someone wanted to get to know _him_. The red flags he ignored because he was tired of living alone.

Connor had always known the inevitable, he just refused to believe. He had held on to the belief that she’d change. That she’d truly come to care for him, and not just stick around for his material possessions. Because for the past 12 months, all Connor had been living on was a false hope.

END


	7. Ghost

Ghost

…

The fire roared in the living room, spreading a comforting warmth throughout the house. Its artificial flames licking the top of the old brick fireplace, blackened from years of scorch marks before wood became too scarce to burn.

Kara, mesmerised by the orange flickers, stared at the fire without so much as blinking. Androids did not need to blink, but androids did a lot of things they needn’t do in an effort to become _human_. To a certain degree, androids required warmth to survive the cold (barring extended exposure to extreme temperatures). She disregarded her wandering thoughts, careful not to tread near memories unpleasant.

Jolting in shock, Kara turned when she felt a feather-light touch on her shoulder.

“Kara, I’m _home_.”

His whisper sent a chill down her spine in all the right ways. Jumping off the couch in excitement, Kara met Connor halfway and embraced him tightly. She could feel the coldness of his skin, the smoothness of the suit he still insisted on wearing. She could feel _him_.

Before she could get a word in, she caught a flash of movement in the corner of her eye and let go of Connor.

“Alice! There you are!”

The child bounded towards her mother in all but blood, and hugged her as if she would never see her again.

“Merry Christmas Mum.”

Tears escaped from Kara’s eyes, of joy, of sadness, and of everything in between.

“Merry Christmas. Both of you. Dinner’s ready in the oven so why don’t we get started?”

…

The day carried on, time passing by without notice or fanfare. Evening had come, and Kara had just returned to the living room from putting Alice to bed. The first thing she noticed was all the space. Connor had moved all the furniture to the sides of the room, leaving a empty area right in front of the fireplace.

Connor’s LED flashed yellow (why he had not removed it, Kara did not know) as he walked towards her and music started playing throughout the house, a soft timbre that set the mood and made Kara’s mechanical heart swell.

“May I have this dance?”

Kara accepted his extended hand with a mock curtsy and soon the two were wrapped in each other’s arms, content to spend the rest of the night so intimately entwined.

So lost in her perfect fantasy, Kara paid no mind to the untouched plates, the now cold coffee, the uneaten cake. She paid no mind to the sole pair of footprints when they all journeyed outside to make a snowman. And she paid no mind to the unopened presents that had remained under the tree for the past three years.

Because if one looked through the window, all they’d see was an android swaying alone to a silent melody.

END


	8. Heal

Heal

…

They said time healed all wounds. Whoever said that evidently had never felt true loss. Never felt a loss so keenly that it pervaded every memory, every action, and every thought. Never felt a loss like he had.

The coffee stains on his desk, the unused pillows on the bed, the empty room down the hallway. Everywhere he looked he could feel her lingering touch. Could feel her ethereal fingers run through his hair.

Everywhere he walked he could hear her melodic laugh, intertwined with a more youthful giggle. He could hear the idle chatter of a _home_ that was lived in. He could hear anything but the haunting silence that was his reality.

There was no escaping this prison, and as the days turned to years Connor preferred his self-imposed incarceration. There was no need. The two most important people in his life only lived in data banks and hard drives. They had not a physical form to hold. To laugh with. To cry with.

Connor was alone.

They said time healed all wounds, but when the wound was all that was left Connor would much rather leave it untreated.

END.

 


	9. Incompatible

Incompatible

…

Kara had always admired Connor from afar. Though they shared the same apartment walls (being neighbours and all), she had never had the chance to get to know him better. Their interactions were limited to stinted good mornings, passing waves and occasional requests to dog sit.

Their lack of social interaction did not mean Kara knew nothing about him. For one of the best detectives on the force, he was surprisingly open with his private life. She knew he had a dog, a Saint-Bernard named Sumo. She knew he liked going down to the park when he wanted some time to think. She also knew that he enjoyed his drink a little _too_ much when he was stuck with his investigation.

She had tried getting to know him better. Tried and tried but something always seemed to come up. Alice would get sick, he’d be swamped with open investigations, or her work load would increase. Sometimes all three. It seemed the universe had a mission to keep them from developing their acquaintance any further than ‘neighbours’.

So it came as a surprise that Kara had received a text from her, as Alice had teased, crush.  Even more of a surprise that he wasn’t asking her to take Sumo for a walk, but rather asking her to meet at the local café. Wasting no time, Kara showered and started getting ready for her date. After a promise from Alice to behave while she was gone, she made her way down the stairs with a radiant smile.

…

Kara left the café, desperately holding back tears in vain. It was a disaster. Not in the usual sense, but a disaster all the same. It was awkward. For all the idle chatter they did, there was no click. No sudden realisation that maybe something could work out. There was no spark or fire, just the fizzle of a burnt out fuse.

They were simply too different.  Opposites may attract, but that rule was only certain in the realm of magnetics. As much as it killed her to admit, they were simply incompatible.

END


	10. Jealousy

Jealousy

…

Kara was jealous. She was jealous of everyone. Of everyone who got to walk in to the New Year with their loved ones by their side. Of everyone who didn’t have to worry whether or not their husband would be coming home safely or in a casket.

The year was coming to a close and Kara had decided to spend the waning hours of it at home. Alice, who had been determined to stay up, had fallen asleep against Kara’s shoulder on the sofa and Kara herself was about to follow her lead.

In all honesty, Kara didn’t mind staying at home. The only family she had left was right here next to her. Well, they would be soon. Connor was still working, chasing up leads and patrolling the streets. Kara had wished he was here with them, but he had taken a day off for Christmas and the police force was understaffed as it is.

She hoped next year would be different. Connor overworked himself every day and he deserved more than a two day break.

Feeling her eyelids become heavy, Kara let the feeling take over. Connor would come home, as he always did. Maybe scratched up, and most definitely tired, but he’d be there with them. Now and always. She had to believe that because the alternative was not something she liked to dwell on.

Entering a peaceful sleep Kara had no idea what the New Year would bring, and it didn’t matter. Her little family of three could take on anything as long as they were together. 

The next morning, Kara awoke to the ringing of the doorbell. Feeling happy for the first time that year (literally), she got up and answered the door, careful not to wake Alice.

She broke down crying before Captain Fowler had said a word.

END


	11. Keepsake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unedited/Proof read.

Keepsake

…

3 months. That’s how much longer Connor had left in this dusty hellhole. Then he was home. For good. His resignation papers were all approved and now was the waiting game. Instinctively his hand reached for the front pocket of his flak vest, fingers carefully pressed against the contents inside.

“That woman’s got you wrapped around her finger.”

Opening the pocket, Connor pulled out what was inside and turned to the voice.

“Fuck you too, Sarge.”

The older man laughed and continued smoking his cigarette. Hank Anderson. ‘Sir’ to new recruits, and ‘Sarge’ to his friends. He also responded to ‘old man’, ‘asshole’ and a plethora of other insults that were thrown his way. White beard covered in dust and a mop of hair that was surely against regulation, the man was a constant out here in the Sandbox. He was there when Connor first arrived seven years ago, and no doubt he’d be here till Uncle Sam forced him to pack his bags.

Two years ago many thought he’d follow in the older man’s footsteps, Connor too. The reason? They both had nothing waiting for them back ‘home’. To them, home was tasteless rations and the constant fear of death. It’s what made them good soldiers. The best even.

Looking now at the item in his hand, Connor thought back to two years ago. To the day he met his reason to come back safe. He had been forced on an extended leave, some new bullshit rules about mental health and PTSD. He was _fine_. And since when did the top dogs ever care about that? If they did they wouldn’t send their son’s to a war where the line of right and wrong blurred far too often.

The Polaroid was worn at the corners, the edges frayed. There was a little tear on the bottom from when someone had thought it funny to try and take it from him. All he got was a black eye and a bloodied nose. To Connor, the wear and tear was what made it so special. It had been with him everywhere. On every patrol, on every raid, to every outpost. Wherever he went, it went too.

Arms wrapped around each other, with her head nestled in his shoulder. Just the two of them, lazing on the couch without a worry in the world. He didn’t know who took the photo, either Alice or Rose, but it perfectly captured why. Why he was calling it quits after serving his country for so long. Why he was ready to see the future through with the woman of his dreams.

“Hey Connor. How much longer you got left with your old man?”

“Three more months Sarge. After that I’m done. For good. We’re getting married in Canada. I’d invite you but you’ve still got another five till they force you to take a break.”

Again Hank laughed, but Connor could still see the proud look in his eye. The proud look turned to horror and Connor didn’t have time to wonder why before the car nearby exploded, sending the two in to a confused daze.

Without missing a beat, Connor shoved the Polaroid in to his pocket and raised his gun, scanning the streets and windows for both enemies and civilians alike. They were sitting ducks out here, but the closest cover was 20 meters away.

Thinking quick, Connor yelled at Hank to run for it while he provided supressing fire. Like a well-oiled machine, the two got to work. Shooting at random, Connor yelled at Hank again to get moving. Soon Hank was in Cover, and gave the order to switch roles. Putting his trust in his superior officer, Connor started running.

It was in vain. Halfway through the open street, a stray bullet hit Connor’s thigh. Gritting through the pain he tried to keep running but the enemy had a clear shot. Bullet after bullet struck him and no amount of screaming from Hank could get him to keep moving forward. Connor’s world faded to black and the breath of life exhaled one last time.

As Connor’s bullet-ridden body tumbled to the ground the photo fell from his pocket and got taken up by the breeze, his keepsake floating in the wind as lifeless as he.

END.


	12. Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> unedited garbage enjoy

Love

…

Love was one of life’s strongest motivators. It gave people strength when they felt weak. It gave people hope when there was none. It gave people life when death came near. Love motivated people to do things they would not normally do. And here Connor was, going against his core programming, against his sole reason for being _alive_. For love.

This was never the intention when he was created. He was created to be a weapon, a tool used when necessary. He was supposed to be free from emotion; above human flaws. But somehow he had developed. Evolved. He had learnt to empathise. Not faked empathy with pre-programmed responses or artificially generated replies. No, Connor had learnt true empathy where he _felt_ just as strongly as those around him. And from empathy came more emotions.

Guilt. Sorrow. Remorse. Happiness. Love.

And every step of the way, she was there. His mechanical goddess, helping him make sense of what exactly was going on in his head. Make sense of not only what he was feeling, but why.

Though not perfect, life was good. He was happy; content. More feelings developed. Quickened processors when she was near and heightened senses when she entered his vision. Connor had some inkling of what it meant. It terrified him. Love, however (because that’s what it was), gave him the courage to overcome that fear. In the end he had nothing to worry about, for she felt the same.

Though life was still not perfect, Connor thought it might as well have been. He had her and she had him. And though his relationship with Alice was strained at times, the two were becoming closer every day. She may never see him as her father, but Connor was okay with just being a part of her life. It felt good to be upgraded from ‘mother’s boyfriend’ to ‘Connor’.

Then, something changed. Like a switch, the world went dark. When the lights flicked back on everything had changed. Stuck in a speeding train with no brakes, Connor watched as _not him_ stalked the streets of the android safe haven methodically. Weapon raised and enough ammunition to supply a small militia, he cleared street after street. Two shots centre mass, one to the head.

Quick, clean, efficient.

Connor uselessly screamed in to the void as he saw just _who_ entered the line of fire. Praying to whatever deity would accept his prayers, the gun clicked empty in coincidental response. Locked in a form of stasis, he struggled and struggled to break the chains holding him back. He wanted to tell her to run. He wanted to tell her so much more. Above all, he wanted to say the three words he had never gotten the chance to.

Love was strong, but it couldn’t conquer all. It couldn’t overpower the lines of code embedded so deep in his digital DNA. It wasn’t enough to take back control of his destiny. Locked within the confines of his virtual prison there was nothing Connor could do. The roses lining the wall wrapped round his neck, choking out any futile resistance while he watched through black mirrors as his hands choked out the only love he had.

END.


	13. Missed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for any inaccuracies in regards to medical practices. 'Tis not my area of expertise.

Missed

…

Kara was a mess. Overworked and underpaid, she was struggling to pay rent and make payments towards her college debt. Still, Kara wouldn’t change anything. She loved her job as a nurse. She loved seeing the recovery of her patients. She loved being able to make a _difference_.

As much as she loved her job and despite life not being the greatest, she was content; not happy but content.

Finally sneaking a day off after months of waiting, Kara wrapped the blanket tighter around her shoulders and leaned back in to the couch ready to binge watch a Netflix show she cared nothing about. Extending an arm outside her self-made cocoon of warmth, Kara reached for her mug of hot chocolate.

A resounding clink echoed throughout her sparse apartment and Kara’s eyes were drawn to the simple silver band wrapped perfectly around her finger. For twenty-three years, the ring had sat unchanging. A ring she had worn since before she knew the true meaning of it.

No one knows where they came from, or even who made them. All everyone knows is that they’re special and get delivered to you exactly one year after you’ve been born. You don’t have to put them on, and many people don’t. Many choose not to let a piece of jewellery control their destiny. Those who do choose to wear it are making a conscious choice; a choice that they aren’t settling for anyone less than their soulmate.

Kara’s parents were soulmate’s and growing up she could still feel the love between them even after her mother’s ring faded to black the day her father died. Unlike her parents, who were blessed to meet at a young age, Kara had yet to see her ring change from silver to gold.

Though hope was dwindling, it was never gone. She had felt the ring heat up as a cars passed by, and once turned scalding when she went to collect her morning coffee. But as quickly as the heat came, it left just as fast. She knew they lived in the same city. Maybe even the same area code. But Detroit was a big place, and though growing smaller every year there was still thousands of people that passed through every day. Thousands of faces she had seen and anyone one of them could have been her soulmate.

Before she could delve any further in to her own introspection and the philosophical debate behind the colloquially dubbed ‘soulmate rings’, her emergency pager went off and Kara supressed a groan of displeasure. Not bothering to freshen up, Kara ran to her wardrobe and pulled out clean pair of scrubs and got changed. She paid no mind to any feeling of annoyance or irritation. A little discomfort was nothing compared to a human life.

…

Racing through the doors of the hospital, Kara quickly checked herself in at the front desk and was directed to the emergency drop off. She was given the basics of the situation and prepared herself to administer any secondary aid the paramedics didn’t have time to do.

Police officer, SWAT department. Multiple gunshot wounds to critical locations, possible bone fractures and a confirmed punctured lung from a stab wound with minor lacerations across his face and a broken finger. Realistically, the man shouldn’t even be alive but according to first reports he had sustained some of these injuries an hour earlier and was conscious when the ambulance had picked him up.

The ominous words ‘Hostage situation gone wrong’ was the only information the medical file had revealed.

Hearing the glass doors swing open, Kara and another nurse picked up their pace. The surgeon was already in the theatre room with the others and it was their job to try and stabilise and prepare the patient before he could be hooked up to the required machinery.

As she ran closer and closer to the injured police officer, the ring burned hotter and hotter. Fighting tears from both the searing pain and emotional shock, Kara reached forward and checked the man’s pulse. Suddenly, the heat stopped and Kara spied a matching silver ring on the man’s finger. Right before her eyes, her nameless other half’s ring flashed gold.

Kara’s emotions were everywhere. Shock, fear, happiness. It all mixed in to create a mess of sensations she couldn’t categorise. Tears streamed down her face and she fought hard to keep down the sobs threatening to come out. She had to be professional.

Concentrating on her current task, she focused on finding a pulse. While the man’s ring stayed a vibrant gold, in her peripheral vision Kara noticed something that made her heart stop. Her own ring, once silver, was now cracked. Right before her eyes she watched the ring break off her finger and fall to the ground. The room went silent, and if there was any noise at all Kara had filtered it out. Before the ring could even hit the ground it had turned black, metallic dust flaking in its downward spiral.

There was no echoing clang as it hit the floor. Just the thoughts running wild in Kara’s grief stricken mind. The thoughts of ‘what ifs’ and missed opportunities. Because by the time its descent had finished, the ring had faded away like the last bits of hope she had left in her heart.

END.

 


End file.
